Q: My child is being bullied for his weight. We are changing portions. We are a big family. What else can we do?
First, let’s just name it: bullying sucks. It’s a power play, a social weapon, and it.is.everywhere. The antidotes? Kindness, connection, and growth.
Here’s the thing: bullying isn’t about the person being bullied. It’s about the bully trying to grab power. Your child isn’t the problem — even if they feel like they are. And the answer isn’t to scramble to “fix” them.
My response to the mom:
Slow down. The solution is not doing more, faster.
If bullying, fear of food, or body size worry is driving change, you risk building habits on a foundation of shame. That creates pressure, self-judgment (“I’m failing”), and lifelong self-esteem wounds.
Making wholesale changes after a bullying incident can unintentionally agree with the bully’s message: “Something’s wrong with you.”
Instead, cool the nervous system. Bullying triggers our primal fear of losing belonging, sparking fight/flight/freeze/fawn. Slowing down helps shift from fear to safety.
((Important: this applies when no one is in immediate danger. We’re talking about creating a connected, safe home base.))
Start with an inventory of what’s going well — even tiny glimmers of light: open talks, shared humor, knowing each other’s love languages (yes, food can be one).
Sit with your child in the pain. Connect with what’s scary and frustrating — maybe even echoes from your own past. Sitting in silence can be a tremendous part of healing. It’s the presence that matters. Connection heals trauma and shame.
We’ve used shame to address weight for generations. Let’s not repeat that. Let’s lean into connection instead.
I know you want next steps. But here’s the truth: slowing down is an action step — and the most powerful one. That’s why I’m not talking about portions, food rules, exercise, or medication here.
We can’t skip the part where we tell our kids: This sucks. You’re exactly who you’re meant to be. I’m here. We’re together. You don’t even have to say the words — just live them.
If you’re walking through something similar and want to build a home where health feels natural, safe, and shame-free, I can help. Let’s work together to create that steady ground — for you, for your child, for your whole family.
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