How love is the present, right now, for our families

boundaries love Feb 11, 2022
Family in Focus with Wendy Schofer, MD
How love is the present, right now, for our families

It’s coming up on Valentine’s Day and of course I started thinking about themes… and how much I hate commercial tie-ins with Valentine’s day…

But how can I apply LOVE here, now?

My goodness, that’s exactly the key to parenting. And it is the key to being a human.


Have you ever heard someone say to do it from a place of love? What does that even mean?

It means that you’re having thoughts - loving thoughts - that produce a feeling in your body - a vibration - that is love. And from feeling that love, you act in ways that are... loving.

Yeah, I know - bit over the top. But it’s not. It’s as basic as that.

Loving thoughts produce that loving vibration (for me, that’s warmth in the chest and a bit of expansion) and that leads me to do loving things.

Love doesn’t mean that you’re doing everything for everyone.

Love doesn’t mean being soft.

It means…. Love.

And love to me means creating space…. And boundaries, within which my family and I get to share our love.

I can love my job - and leave it at work.

I can love my family - and say no, we aren’t doing that.

I can love my husband - and want to spend some time by myself.

I can love food - and not be eating it all the time.

Love does not mean addicted. Actually, quite different.

Love is big. Love is inclusive.

Love has no timelines. There’s no beginning, no end, and no rush.

Love is not accepting someone else’s limitations. Love continues and endures as long as it takes.

Love has been recognizing where my family needs me to just be me. To just be there, sitting in silence, being present. To let them be themselves - they are safe and can express it. And nothing they can say will change the love I have for them. They need me to be there, they don’t need me to do anything.

Love leads me to set boundaries, so within those boundaries I can relax and live and play.

Love is setting up a fence at the playground – so kids can play freely within that space, and parents can chillax about the traffic nearby.

Love is being open and available and present – right now, not fretting past missteps, or worrying about what might be in the future.

Love is NOW.

Love is meeting people where they are - including yourself - and not having to change a thing. And when you decide to change, love is being kind to yourself through the entire process. Because you know what isn’t easy? ANY TYPE OF CHANGE.

But love is easy.

It’s available. All the time.

Even when the child is fussing.

When the teen is angry.

When the mother-in-law is commenting….

When the boss is making demands….

It may not mean that you feel love TOWARDS that person. And honestly, you may not even want to. BUT, you can feel love towards yourself.

Loving yourself ripples outward to loving others.

Love is having structure.

Like a home… and within that structure, all the magic happens.

Love is saying no when necessary so you can say yes…

Love is saying no to others’ asking/demanding of your time… so you can keep that time for yourself, for your family.

Love is about being here, now, present— for yourself and your family.

Because love is the present.

It’s totally the present.

And that’s the best Valentine’s Day gift ever…. With no commercial ties.

Check out the Family in Focus with Wendy Schofer, MD Podcast!

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