"You're having too much fun with a serious subject, one that brings me to tears regularly. You have to be more professional."
As a physician working with families daily around heavy subjects like parental burnout, mental health, weight struggles, emotional eating, I sat for a few moments with that well-intended feedback. And, like every other feedback that stings over five years of building a program, advocacy platform, outreach, and brand... I did what I always do:
1) Got angry (Ginger Truth). "Do they not actually SEE ME?"
2) Asked myself: What actually matters *to me* here?
3) Got clear on where I’m going and why.
Geez, I remember the time that a trusted mentor called me out for being a "weight coach" who didn't want to talk about weight. And after working through my little 3-step spiral, I found my North Star: it has never been about the weight. And I'm sure as @$#% not a weight coach. A parent coach... actually,
I'm a weight-inclusive gamechanger for families.
We are all tired of playing that old game of focusing on numbers to define our family's success.
That clarity shapes everything I do, including why Family in Focus is structured as a private practice instead of a nonprofit. I’ve learned how many voices will try to tell you what your work should look like. What you should look like. (It notably reeks of the same biases I work with families around weight, body image and the many comparisons we are subject to every.single.moment.)
I grew up in a medical system like that—one that had a clear mold to fit. I tried to squeeze into it for years, and always came up short. That’s the real story of my burnout: chasing “good enough” in a system that kept dangling the promise of perfection out of reach. And I didn't question it, I just felt that I was the problem.
I whisper now back to young Dr Schofer:
Hey, Love, You Are Not the Problem. You are actually creating a very new path.
So here I am. I'm not polished, and that is perfect. Yup, tattoos, bad metaphors, an infectious laugh and tears that come with joy, sorrow and those heartwarming military family reunification videos (too close to home!).
Deeply human.
Leading with laughter, honesty, and heart.
Meeting families with curiosity instead of judgment. (And recognizing that if others don't want to offer that to me, they're not my people!)
Taking your concerns seriously, without buying into the heaviness the world insists we carry.
Realizing (and sharing) that humor and lightheartedness are critical in the darkest moments as they welcome connection and healing.
This is professional care, backed by evidence and humanity, built on trust, and yes, infused with playfulness and joy. These emotions are not a distraction. They are bridges to connection and the possibility we are creating beyond the suck of what is right here. And these emotions are always welcome here.
As for the feedback I received: I genuinely appreciate it. It helped me hear my own voice more clearly. It reminded me: It’s time to TURN IT UP.
I’m on a mission to help 1 million parents relieve stress, strengthen their relationships with food, body, and family, and create homes where health feels natural, joyful, and connected.
Kinda makes sense, don’tcha think? Join me. You can find out more about Family in Focus at www.wendyschofermd.com, and specifically the upcoming start of the parent coaching program all about shifting the focus from weight and food to creating healthy lifelong relationships with food, body and family. Join the community newsletter at www.wendyschofermd.com/the-exhale.
Check out the Family in Focus with Wendy Schofer, MD Podcast!
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