Becoming the Rock
Aug 12, 2022
Welcome back, my friends. If you haven’t heard the most recent episodes, I’ve driven all around the country… 3050 miles and counting. I have one more stint this coming week to get my daughter back to college in Kansas, and then return to move my son into his Virginia Dorm.
Crazy Aunt Wendy, the roadtrip Co-Pilot, has seen a lot of thing – and a lot of rocks.
Sadly, not that Rock.
But there was Devil’s Tower,
and the Rocky Mountains.
And climbing in the Grand Tetons.
And the Badlands.
Lots and lots of rocks.
And then I was thinking about how that’s the most important thing for me to be as a parent.
Be the rock.
Let me explain.
Growing up as a kid is crazy right now. Things are coming at them from all directions:
What to do to do well in school, how to get along with others, how to combat bullying, how to be healthy. And then there’s a whole lotta commercial/media/social and cultural pressures on top.
How do we, as parents, help the kids?
We become rocks.
It’s not about being immobile and unresponsive.
It’s about being the constant presence, unwavering, sturdy, and receiving of all the weather thrown at it.
You see, we are also going through a whole lot as adults right now. Stressors, work and family dynamics, and the same messages that the kids receive through social and commercial media.
What we need right now is to be able to have straight talk with someone we trust.
Someone who can take it, be there, constant and not reacting or trying to fix everything.
We all need a rock.
I don’t tend to stay still and collect dust, but my biggest breakthroughs with my kids have been when I was a rock.
Just listening to them.
Just being there with them.
Not trying to change a thing about them, or the situation.
Because it’s not about changing all the situations - this is life - it’s about how we weather it.
And having someone in your corner, a constant presence, helps to protect, strengthen, and model.
Now some may question if this is about not feeling emotions. Nope, not one bit. It’s actually quite the opposite. It’s about allowing the kids to feel, express and explore their emotions - and be the constant presence for them.
The other thing about rocks: they are stinking vulnerable.
They are out there for all to see, no coverings, no protections. Take them as they are.
We can be vulnerable with our kids:
“I know, I’m having a hard time with this too.”
“None of this is easy.”
“I’m sad today.”
…. Without getting into the nitty-gritty. Our kids need to see that things aren’t perfect - there’s no such thing. But they don’t have to be our therapists - in fact, they do not need for us to layer our emotional burdens on top of them.
There’s a difference between acknowledging your feelings, and placing them upon a child.
Being a rock is helping them explore theirs.
Are you ready to start applying the principles of becoming a rock at home? Seriously, y'all, we were never taught this, but it is for all the beans. It means everything to help us help our kids. Sign up for Family in Focus, the next group coaching program is launching in Sept. The waitlist is open - sign up now to be the first to know when we're open.
Check out the Family in Focus with Wendy Schofer, MD Podcast!
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